Wow okay it's like 5 am I can't sleep it's finals week but I totally don't feel the pressure.

All hail the US cumulative system of education - for pacing kids and preventing mental breakdowns since the Constitution.

So yes - I'm awake because of coffee, not stress.

I think it's awesome that College Library (yes that's what it's called. we have like 50 libraries on campus too) is open 24/7. I just wished they had food 24/7 too. Reminds me of our silly all-nighter at Changi one time. And the study sessions that turn out to be the most fun we had in school. But anyway I'm not there. I was there till about 2.30 then we walked back in the cold because we forgot the bus doesn't run on Sundays. Damn. Absolutely frigid I swear. This was probably like the 10th time we've missed the bus for one reason or another. Walking home at 3am is beginning to feel normal.

Not gonna lie, I'm awake because certain things are on my mind. My general mood is that of excitement - I can't wait for finals to be over. To hang out with my friends before I leave for 3 months. To come back and hang out with you guys. To look out the plane window and see Changi. To lie on the beach and tan. To makan the hawker food. To see you at Zouk every Wednesday. To be home.

I'm gonna miss being in Madison though. I used to think I would hate being here all the time, but I think I'm really starting to like it here. Sure the weather's really fucked up, but it's such a pretty little bubble of peace tranquility nature and casual college life. It's like a giant Holland Village or Bukit Timah, but with a lake the size of Pulau Ubin.

Plus, he's here. Things seem to finally be moving forward, after a whole year... And now we're a week away from a 7 month absence. We'll see what happens I guess. It would be nice if January arrives and nothing much has changed, but I'm not keeping my hopes up. Especially since he's such a dumbass about it. It's kind of adorable how awkward it/he/we are, but oh so frustrating. Don't you just hate it when people choose the final moment to swing into action.

And then there's the freedom of being here, of having the complete control over how my day will turn out. I can't wait to come back and move into my apartment. Yay, more grown up things for Max! I mean, of course I miss being pampered at home, and my family... But I think it's the right time for me to start appreciating independence. Not just to be in a huge beautiful fenced garden, but to be out running through the proverbial wide open spaces, making my own mistakes and discoveries. Real independence, not the illusion of it.

And of course my Timmie-girl! What would I do without my favourite Canadian/Indian midget :)

Sigh. The sun's rising. I'll probably fall asleep at College tomorrow, but that's fine. Life is a lot better when I just go with the flow. Weird little cliche to insert, but trust me, nothing is more apt than that over-used piece of advice right now.

I'm genuinely almost-depressed about leaving. Yet completely beyond excited about going home. This kind of simultaneous extreme contrast in emotions must not be healthy for my psychological well-being. Oh well.

Made-up Love Song #43

I love you through sparks and shining dragons, I do
Now there's poetry, in an empty coke can
You got me off the sofa
Just sprang out of the air
The best things come from nowhere
I love you, I don't think you care

I love you through sparks and shining dragons, I do
And the symmetry in your northern grin
You got me off the sofa
Just sprang out of the air
The best things come from nowhere
I can't believe you care

Guillemots

I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor

Oh there ain't no love, no Montagues or Capulets
Just banging tunes and DJ sets and
Dirty dance floors and dreams of naughtiness

Arctic Monkeys

I got caught in the rain today. Fuck. Should have stayed in bed and skipped classes again. Fuck.

On the up side - my hair's rlly wavy today coz of the humidity! Yayy.